Limbo
16th October 2016
Morning breaks and I find that I am a little broken. I want to be easy with my children, but I am spikier than I want to be. More reluctant to get out of bed, to play.
I am disconnected to reality.
We are living in limbo. I am looking after an ill husband who seldom needs my help. Filling in the gaps of things that he used to do.
I'll go back to work 'after'.
After.
We are waiting for him to die.
We hope and pray in our godless way that this ending never comes, that we can push it ever further away.
We are waiting for a terrible, unfathomable event but we have no idea how long the wait will be.
This is a blessing, I think, but it makes life very uncertain.
We are in October, we assume that we can think of Christmas. But is February too far away to make plans?
We wait for the scan results. The end of October seemed forever away. Now it's less than a fortnight.
Is the drug still working? We have literally no idea.
Life in limbo. Life in waiting.
Morning breaks and I find that I am a little broken. I want to be easy with my children, but I am spikier than I want to be. More reluctant to get out of bed, to play.
I am disconnected to reality.
We are living in limbo. I am looking after an ill husband who seldom needs my help. Filling in the gaps of things that he used to do.
I'll go back to work 'after'.
After.
We are waiting for him to die.
We hope and pray in our godless way that this ending never comes, that we can push it ever further away.
We are waiting for a terrible, unfathomable event but we have no idea how long the wait will be.
This is a blessing, I think, but it makes life very uncertain.
We are in October, we assume that we can think of Christmas. But is February too far away to make plans?
We wait for the scan results. The end of October seemed forever away. Now it's less than a fortnight.
Is the drug still working? We have literally no idea.
Life in limbo. Life in waiting.
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